Ask Vector Prime A Question Archives
January 5th, 2007
All right, I'm back. I just sometimes wish I knew why. It's not as if the official site has updated since July.
Q: Old Fool!
What were you doing on Gobotron? Does this have anything to do with why my arms keep falling off?
- Titanium Megatron
A: I find it amusingly ironic that the Titanium line is beset with weakness. Oh, yes, make them die-cast. That will make them stronger ... or too heavy to hold up their arms. Whichever. I'm sure you make a lovely paperweight.
Q: Dear Vector Prime
Primus and his descendants created new Transformers by splitting them
off from themselves. Unicron made the Minicons by splitting them off
from himself. You made Safeguard by splitting him off from yourself.
Does this mean you are actually not a Transformer, but a thrall of
- A Very Suspicious Cybertron Red Alert Who Has Recently Invested In
The Sacred Works Of Furman, Even The Rather Obscure Ones Nobody Likes,
And Can't Stop Randomly Capitalising Words, Please Send Help Before I
Get Mistaken For A Fanbrat
PS. Is it true that Jhiaxus forced Starscream to bud to prove his
allegiance? If so, what was the result?
A: Go-Bots transform. You transform. Does that mean you're a Go-Bot?
PS: I have no idea. Wayward wasn't the one writing that story, and she'd like to see the result as well. As for me, the last thing the universe needs is more Starscream.
Q: Dear Vector Prime,
Hey, I want to know how big Classics Megatron is. I want to know if
he's big enough to smuggle real guns inside of.
- Swindle, G1
A: Megatron looks to be about seven and a quarter inches tall, not including the wings. Since I'm not up on human firearms, I don't know if any are made small enough to fit inside his shell.
Q: Respected Elder,
We had the best fight scene in the history of Transformers. Why does
nobody give a damn about us anymore?
- Optimus Prime and Megatron, Armada
A: Perhaps more accurately, nobody gave a damn in the first place. Fanboys watched the first ten minutes of the first episode of Armada and gave up. In fact, my researches indicate that the only person who actually watched Armada all the way through was a fifteen year old Starscream fangirl who proceeded to write fanfiction about the series. Somehow, her fanfiction ended up forever mistaken for canon, which is why Starscream lives with the Autobots, the Autobots do nothing but play pranks on each other, and the Decepticons don't exist. Also, the whole Unicron thing never happened. It gets in the way of adopting every human to stumble across the base.
Q: Dear Vector Prime,
I have collated a number of questions from my esteemed [and in some
cases, less esteemed] colleagues.
1) How did Tidal Wave become commander of the Decepticons on Daebola?
2) More importantly, why?
3) Why is your sword named after a German wine?
4) In regards to "Ask Vector Prime", Issue 41, what is a "Time Steam"?
5) What is your perspective on the "go back in time and kill your
grandfather, thereby erasing yourself from existence" paradox?
6) What era do you prefer for your vacations?
7) If we paid you enough, would you be willing to go back in time and
record vital moments in history to settle arguments between historians?
Only you can prevent cross words and spilt sherry, Vector Prime!
- Hindsight, Cybertronian Historian
A: 1) I suspect that Thrust was involved.
2) If Thrust is to be believed, it is because Tidal Wave was more than capable of doing so.
3) I am some millions of years older than Germany. The wine was named after my sword!
4) A 'Time Steam' is probably the fault of Shrapnel not paying attention to his spelling. Or it has to do with ironing.
5) I'd prefer people didn't do it.
6) I tend to go to times and places that entirely lack the idea of 'Internet'.
7) I tried that once. I went back to the original movie, watched carefully, then came back and reported that it was indeed Bombshell who became Cyclonus. After the twentieth "But I don't like Bombshell, waaah!" e-mail, I decided to never do that again. I don't like Bombshell either, but that doesn't change what happened.
Q: Wretched Old Fool!
How can I prove to the world I'm not the, err, "morale officer"
fanfiction says I am? Half a dozen sleazy low-rankers are hitting on me
every day, minimum! It's ridiculous! The cannon fodder are supposed to
be destroyed in the field, not in the base!
- Starscream, G1 cartoonverse
A: I suggest an upgrade. Shorten your legs, widen your chest, and replace your hands with guns. It seems to work wonders on fangirls.
Q: Vector Prime,
How can I prove to the world Starscream is the total slut fan fiction
so rightly portrays him as?
- Shockwave, G1 cartoonverse
A: I suggest an upgrade. Give him hair. Long, silky, black as a raven's wing hair. And tell everyone he's a girl. It seems to work wonders on fangirls.
Q: Autobot Scum!
If you will replace my Shockwave with the one from the G1 comicverse,
I will refrain from destroying the planet of Open-Minded Supermodels.
Desperate times call for desperate measures; his smear campaign against
Starscream is blackening me by implication. I want a third-in-command
who can do more than spread rumours and guard an elevator badly, blast
- Megatron, G1 cartoonverse
A: I suggest replacing Shockwave with Straxus instead. That way you get to keep your space-bridge and horrify the Insecticons at the same time.
Q: Dear Vector Prime,
Recently, I've encountered a confusing situation. According to the mary-sue litmus test, I am a Decepticon mary-sue. However, my lover is a member of my unit and another mary-sue. I'm confused. Can I still be a mary-sue if I am a lesbian with no attraction to canon characters? Why am I getting these feelings of love in the first place?-- I took a vow of chastity!
A: You know, the mere fact that you are a robot who thinks that she needs to take a vow of chastity adds +5 to your Litmus score and tells me that your writer is probably 15. I could be wrong, but that's stereotypes for you. As well, wailing to someone that you can't possibly be a Mary-Sue is generally one of the biggest warning signs that you are one. Mary-Sueness has less to do with who you date and more about how you're written. The litmus tests cover cliches more than anything else, so a high score means that your writer needs to come up with some original ideas.
You are getting feelings of love because you are attracted to and care about this co-worker of yours, presumeably. Taking a vow of chastity doesn't magically shut your feelings off.
Q: Welcome back from your mission Master Prime. I have a few questions for yourself and Safeguard.
1. How did your mission to the planet of Open Minded Supermodels go?
2. How much duct tape did it take to keep Blinky from taking over the colum while you were gone?
3. What is your opinion on the new trailer for the Live-action Transformers Movie (The one that ends with Jazz climbing out of a swimming pool)
4. What did Wayward think of it?
5. Safeguard, What are youre feelings and opinions on the Music of Little Richard, specifically the song Tutti Fruti?
Thank you for your answers Master Prime.
A: 1) It went. I was kicked in the ankle by a young lady who looked like a cross between a car and a cricket. That was a bit odd.
2) Several rolls worth. I then put a bow on him and a 'do not open until Christmas' note. I'm not sure who finally unwrapped him, but I could hear the scream from here.
3) As different from that other live-action Transformer movie out there, I'm sure. That's Jazz? I thought the fandom was still arguing over who that was. In any case, the movie still does not involve me. However, it also doesn't involve Insecticons, so it can't be all bad. My opinion on the trailer - it did what it set out to do. It showed just enough to make people want to see more. My opinion on the movie must wait until the movie is actually released in theatres.
4) Tch, what did I tell you about this kind of question in the FAQ? What it comes down to is: who cares? If Wayward thought her opinions were interesting, she'd post a blog.
5) Safeguard says: Wheedle beep eedle-bip beep eep-beep beep-whee.
Q: Dear o Vector Prime, old dude who could send me to the Sun
couple of questoins for you
1)how you doing today? that stuff you live on, energon (or spite, like you said before) working out for you today?
2)i've been recently voted in (ie drafted) into a independent (cheap) anime/cartoon/whatever magazine, and we are planning on releasing our first issue in march, i believe. what would it take to get wayward to write us a letter to put in our first issue?
3) how much wood could an insecticon chuck, if an insecticon could chuck wood?
4) if wayward was unavailable, what would it take to get any of the insecticons, starscream, or terrorsaur (not waspinator, he cries to much) to write something for our first magazine?
with all my love and thanks for stopping that HUGE FREAKING black hole
A: 1) It seems to be. I haven't fallen over yet.
2) First, she'd have to have a better idea what your magazine is about and what you're looking for in a letter. E-mail her.
3) They don't chuck much wood. Mostly they eat it.
4) Again, details would be required.
Also, you're welcome.
Q: Dear Vector Prime,
First of all, how was your time off? Get anything accomplished during that time? And how does it feel to be back?
Okay, now for the questions.
1. A new trailer has been unvield for the upcoming movie. Your thoughts?
2. Rumors are abound with the creation of a new Transformers cartoon, Transformers: Heroes. From what little details have been released, what are your thoughts concerning how this series will do?
3. And your new years resolution was...?
Aaand that's it from me. Take care now, and Happy New year!
A: My time off was generally resting. The Insecticons tricked Menasor into playing Santa this year, so I managed to avoid their party. I didn't accomplish everything I set out to do, but neither did I have to read message boards, so perhaps it balances out.
1) See above. No me = bad. No Insecticons = good. Perfectly respectable trailer, as trailers go.
2) The series will do well. At least, going by the way Hasbro's profits keep going up, Transformers is becoming more popular, not less. The fanboys will hate it, of course. That's what fanboys are for.
3) To stop picking on fanboys so much. That lasted until I started reading message boards again.