My headache has a name, and it is Jetfire. Or possibly Skyfire. This one shows up all over the space-time continuum. One record says that he was built ten million years ago, but crashed on Earth and hibernated until a few decades ago. Another says that he was active during the Cybertronian Dark Ages, approximately seven million years ago. Another says he wasn't created until just a few decades ago. The only thing the records agree on is that he is an Autobot with ties in his early life to the Decepticons. Canon? Don't talk to me about canon. Even canon doesn't agree with canon.
First, the questions from the official site:
Q: Are you second in Command?
A: Ha! If I was, maybe the Autobots would listen to me once in a while. Unfortunately, Jetfire is second-in-command of the Autobots, and he thinks the Cyber Planet Keys are a load of slag. I don't see him coming up with any bright ideas to save the universe.
Q: Did you ever fight Unicron?
A: We got in a food-fight once. I ended up covered in planet. It was embarrassing.
Q: Are you really one of the first 13 Transformers?
A: Yes. And I live in a vast resonating structure the size of a solar system, filled with cyberformed worlds, served by the army I spawned from my own substance, and one day when the stars align I will arise to godhood.
Liege Maximo says: Like fun you will.
Q: Do you shave your mustache?
A: You have me mistaken for Scourge. If you think my facial articulation looks like a moustache, then Straxus' face must be one big moustache with eyeholes.
Q: When is TRANSFORMERS CYBERTRON coming out on DVD?
A: When you stop shouting at me. Get off the shift key, human.
Q: When will TRANSFORMERS toys be available in stores?
A: Where are you to be asking this? Even in Canada they've been out for two months now.
And here are questions sent straight to the Insecticons:
Q: Which of the Constructicons' three origins is the real one?
A: As it turns out, none of the three shown in the cartoon are correct. Devastator was actually one of the original Thirteen Transformers, though he had a different name back then. When the Fallen betrayed them, one of his spells shattered Devastator into six parts. But Devastator's spark managed to survive, albiet in pieces. Eventually, he reincarnated as the Constructicons, who don't remember their origin. All they know is that they want to be one, though having been separate for so long, they can't fully reintegrate any more.
Or not. Prove me wrong.
Q: Will the Transformers live-action movie be out before 2010?
A: Yes, but you still won't have hoverboards.
Q: Who programmed Thundercracker's accent protocol? And has he been killed yet?
A: That's two questions. The voice actor is Mark Oliver. I'm not sure who the casting director is. Presumeably, it's one of their faults, and presumeably they're both still alive at the time of this writing. More importantly, why complain about Thundercracker's voice when you could complain about Jolt's?
Searching around the Internet, I find that Mark Oliver also did voice work for a video called Barbie: Fairytopia. He was not alone. Among those aiding him were Lee 'Ravage' Tokar, Venus 'Blackarachnia' Terzo, Michael 'Starscream' Dobson, Brian 'Australian Jetfire' Drummond, and Scott 'Everybody' McNeil.
Q: Have you every considered going back in time and stopping Megatron from
being created ( and just sitting back and being safe in the knowledge that if
he's never created then he'll have no fan girls )?
A: That might work after the continuities have been sorted out. As it stands, Megatron has at least two origins, and even if both Megatrons were removed, there would probably still be at least two Galvatrons running around. The other possibility is that we end up with Emperor Starscream as chief of the Decepticons, and his fangirls don't need the encouragement.
Q: What would you do for a Klondike Bar? And why does the Matrix look
like a giant blue disco ball?
A: That's even more two questions than the other who asked two questions.
a) I would teleport myself to the factory and take as many as I like. Barring that, I'm told I do a very good Barry White impression.
b) Ironically, it really is a giant blue disco ball. Primus is powerful, but not very hip.
Q: Who would you rather throw off a train: Hot Shot or one of the Armada Sideswipe repaints?
A: Hm. The Sideswipe mould is pretty ugly, but I'd rather get rid of Hot Shot before he starts putting the moves on my woman ( Override, I'm a spaceship that can teleport through time. You can't get faster than that. )
Q: How do you feel about being stuck with those semi-intelligent prankster Insecticons?
A: In a way I like them better than the clever Insecticons. The semi-intelligent prankster ones keep dropping whitewash on themselves. The brighter ones fill my cockpit with peanuts and I still don't know how they manage it without my notice.
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