It is great to see so many questions ... no. No, actually, it isn't. Especially when they're the same questions over and over again.
Someone once asked me what kind of questions I wanted. I want questions about Transformers. Questions about time-travel are also welcome. Because I'm a time-travelling Transformer, after all. I am conversant in almost every Transformers series ever released, and what I don't know, I know where to find information on. Ask me about Transformers.
I don't mind non-Transformer questions if it still relates to Transformers in a way. The fellow that asked about Friendchips because they looked like Cyber Keys? Fine. Asking my opinion on some obscure anime? Why bother?
The following is a list of questions I never want to see again, for various reasons.
Q: Why did Hasbro use [this name] on [that character]?
A: This was probably done for trademark reasons. If Hasbro doesn't actively use the names they own, the names can be bought by another company.
Q: Why didn't you answer my question?
A: If your question was printed but the answer was a dodge, it means that I don't know the answer and don't feel like putting the effort into finding out. This can either be because your question involved some series that has absolutely nothing to do with Transformers and I just don't care, or that your question was greedy. Here I will cite the example of the person who wanted know the TNT equivalents of everybody in Cybertron's Cyber Key powers.
If your question wasn't printed at all, it's because I found it personally distasteful and ignored it. Sometimes people send in rather raunchy or otherwise disgusting or offensive questions, and it's easier to ignore them than to try to clean them up. I also ignore anything that feels like a deliberate attempt to annoy me. This is based entirely on my judgement, however, so you can save yourself some time by being polite.
Or, if your question wasn't printed at all, it might be because it contained spoiler information. Or it was nothing more that the server glitched and I never received your e-mail at all.
Q: Who would win in a fight, [some character, possibly a Transformer, but more likely not] or you?
A: Me. I will always claim that I win, because I'm the one writing the answer column.
Q: Who would win in a fight, [some character, possibly a Transformer, but more likely not] or [a Transformer who is not you]?
A: Unless there is some reason for me to care about the outcome, I will flip a coin to determine the answer.
Q: Why did Hasbro use [this name] on a Minicon? A Minicon doesn't deserve [this name]!
A: Trademark. Retention. Minicons are inexpensive to produce, and thus legion. This makes them useful to Hasbro to stick names to so that the trademark on the name is renewed. Would you rather have a jet Minicon named 'Sky Lynx' or lose the rights to the name 'Sky Lynx' completely?
Q: I was unsatisfied with the answer you gave me. I will just keep asking the same question every week until you tell me what I want to hear!
A: Learn to live with disappointment. The second time you ask, you will get a dodge answer. Any subsequent times will be ignored.
Q: I have no idea how to do a running gag well, so I'll just ask the same question or harp on the same subject every week because I think I'm wildly funny. Is that okay?
A: No. I see this as pretty much the same as the previous type because it frustrates me in the same way. I'm a time-traveller. I have enough repetition in my life without you humans trying to needle me.
Q: I am personally offended that they used [this name] on [that character]! Doesn't Hasbro know the rich tradition behind [this name]?
A: Hasbro wrote the rich tradition behind [this name]. And because they care about [this name], they will work to keep it. Name trademarks can only be kept by using the name.
Q: What do you think of [series that has no connection to Transformers at all]? What does Wayward think of it? What does Starscream think of it? What does Slog think of it? What does Knave think of it? What does the President of Berundi think of it?
A: Chances are, we've never heard of it. If we've heard of it, we probably never watched it. We don't care.
Q: I really hate [insert some aspect of Transformers here]. Mostly I just want to sound off about how much I hate it, but I'll ask you what you think of it to make it look like I actually care about the whole 'answer column' thing.
A: There's the whole problem right there - this is an answer column. It is not a forum. If Wayward wanted a forum, she'd put one up. But she won't, because she's seen enough forums to know she doesn't want to be responsible for running one. You ask me questions. I answer your questions. This is not a place for venting.
Besides, I'm probably going to disagree with you out of spite.
Q: Why do you hate G1?
A: I don't hate G1. I like G1, despite of and sometimes because of its flaws. What I hate are the G1 fans who treat the cartoon as if it were a religion and they were fundamentalists. I get along with secular G1ists fine.
Q: Why doesn't Hasbro use [this name] on [that character]? It's a classic name and [that character] is an obvious homage to [this character]!
A: Hasbro most likely lost the trademark because they didn't use the name soon enough after their previous use of it.
Q: Why is the Japanese version of [show/toy] better/worse than the North American version?
A: Chances are, whatever you're comparing is of equal worth and you're just applying your own biases and preferences to it. Otherwise the answer is probably either, 'they were rushed in production to meet deadlines' or 'safety standards'.
Q: You were impolite to me. Why?
A: Call it a guess, but you were rude to me first. I try to be polite to real humans, but it's difficult when they insult me or use the column as an excuse to rant. Or you might have been an in-character letter written by a person that I don't like. I don't feel any real twinges of remorse at being unkind to anything signed 'Starscream' or 'Hot Shot'.
Q: Why didn't you use time-travel to [fix this problem]?
A: Because I didn't. Even with time-travel powers, I can't be everywhere at once.
Q: Can you tell me about [insert something that has nothing whatsoever to do with Transformers in any way, shape, or form]?
A: I can. But why ask me instead of spending five minutes to find it on Google?
Q: Has [insert occurance] ever happened in an alternate universe?
A: Yes. Because there are an infinite number of alternate universes.
Q: What's with the accents in Cybertron?
A: Because someone putting the show together thought that giving characters wildly different accents was a good idea.
Q: You changed my question!
A: Shrapnel does that sometimes. He will remove naughty terms, real names of humans who sign their missives, and he will sometimes correct the spelling. He would rather not have to do any editing, but humans rarely seem to proofread.
Q: Why did you make fun of my spelling?
A: Because it was outstandingly awful and Shrapnel didn't think it was worth his time to correct.
Q: No, seriously. Why does Hasbro keep reusing names?
A: Because you smell like rotting cabbage and they hate you.
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